I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
