Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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