I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
