Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
