i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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