U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So vagazzling was a success
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
