I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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