I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
