Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
