i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you had me at cake vodka
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
