textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
