seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
