I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
