i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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