soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
whose parrot is this?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize