i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
