Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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