he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
