well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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