Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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