i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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