woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
