Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
