if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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