Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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