Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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