I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
