I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
