I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
