I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
