last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
