What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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