it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
