"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
