Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize