the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize