You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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