My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
