hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
