Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
