I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
