look no pants
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
