My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
