I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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