Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
