That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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