Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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