She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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