So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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