Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
