Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
