The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
