you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Randomize
