What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
