before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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