On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
