If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize