We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
