I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
