Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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