We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
whose parrot is this?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
