Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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