he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
