$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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