Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
