I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
