Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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