OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
