he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
