Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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