What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i will never coherently bang her
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
