Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
