I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
