He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
