I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
