Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
