Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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