Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
